new life..

how many months have past since i last posted something here? 3 months? a lot of things changed.. and i'm glad most of it were good.

i no longer have a job. BUT, i've been very busy at the church which makes me feel good.. someone has invited me to join the Y.A (young adults) ministry and so far i'm happy.. happy to meet new friends, and happy to serve God..

after so many things that had happened in my life i realized just one thing.. God will never leave me.. all His promises are true.. you just have to hold on to His promises because He is true to His words..

i'm not saying that i'm not making any sins at all.. i'm not saying that i'm a righteous man in EVERY way.. what i'm saying is that, i have God with me and He won't forsake me.. when i accept Him in my life, i know EVERYTHING will fall into the right places..

anyways, i never heard Him saying life will be easy, He never promised that, BUT, what He said was that as long as we accept Him, He will be on our side..

and it's true.. more than anything, God is enough to sustain my needs..

confuse..

got this message from someone:

4:18pm
-i may not be visible/audible these days, but it doesn't mean "i dont CARE". im just busy with so many things. truth is, i dont like what's happening to me. because of this so important things that eats my "TIME", i ended -up being SELFISH. i dont know if you can still keep up on me, or if i can still return to the person that i was way back when, but let me assure you that even thru these times that im not with you, i still feel the same like the very way i did towards you when i fell inlove with YOU, & IM SO SORRY.

4:40pm
-i dont wanna hurt ANYBODY! il give my TIME if i could!!! but sometimes there are things that I need to PRIORITIZE, and at the same time of course, some things are need to be taken FOR-GRANTED.. its COMPLICATED when you know that things are not GOOD ENOUGH even if you know deep inside you'reonky trying to make things RIGHT. to think that not EVERYONE will even dare try to UNDERSTAND.. im just so thankful that on your part, YOU'RE TRYING!!!
-im just missin you so much..


oh well.. what can i say?

one-hour phone call..

last sunday (march 15, 2009) i received a text message from kuya arjay..

kuya arjay: tes may landline ba dyan sa house nyo?
me: yup, 4892051
kuya arjay: pwede tumawag? may gusto ko sabihin sayo..
me: sure po..

after a few minutes he called.. it was kinda unusual because it's almost a year since we last had our long conversation.. good thing, i still remember his voice.. hehe..

anyways, the phone call lasted for more than an hour.. it was barely a "kamustahan-thing" until we got to the real reason for that call..

he stated AGAIN his problem.. (actually, it wasn't the first time that he do that..) when i heard it, it left me with no choice but to be mad.. haha.. i guess that's the reason why he loves calling me everytime he has a problem.. he knows that i will be affected that much..

pag tungkol kasi kay kuya arjay, ibang usapan na yun. i think no one has the right to hurt his feelings.. when i said no one, you will not be an exception.. para sakin kasi masyadong vulnerable si kuya.. and simula nung makilala ko sya parang inappoint ko na yung sarili ko na maging savior and protector nya.. (funny, that's how he called me)

i'm not going to post here his problems, cause it is too personal, but i wanna post here the text message i got from him after that talked..

kuya arjay: ikaw una kong naisip nung dumating sakin yang problem na yan.. ikaw lang makausap ko at marinig ko lang ung point of view mo, solve na ko tes.. thank u thess..

hehe.. i love kuya arjay.. feeling ko nga soulmate ko sya..not in the romantic side.. but much deeper.. ung hindi kayang sirain ng kahit sino or kahit ano..

bob ong's masterpiece

"Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

"Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..."

"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

"Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

"Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.

"Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

"Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

“Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

“Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

"Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

"Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

"Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

"Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

a phone call

it was 6 in the morning when my mom called.. it was not for me but i still manage to get up to answer it.. after a minute of talkng, my mom asked if she can talk to my tita.. since i was really sleepy, i gave her the fone and go back to bed.. but then i can't go back to sleep.. i was not fond of listening to other's conversation, syempre alam ko na di maganda un.. pero kahit di ko sinasadya, there's something na narinig ko pa rin eh.. it's like this:

"masaya ka na.. makakagraduate na bunso mo, wala ka naman mapala sa panganay mo eh"

wew.. sino nga ba panganay saming magkapatid?? as far as i can remeber, ako yata.. ano ba pwede ko maramdaman after hearing those words?? haha, wala.. ang saya nga eh.. damn it!! sana mamatay na lang ako.. wew.. baka maging masaya pa sila..